Indian Cartoonists to adhere to Mamata guidelines

And before I go on, it is indeed important to know ‘Mamata who?’

Mamata (or Mamta) is a Hindi word which means ‘Mother’s Care, Love & Affection’. In Indian context, it becomes important. But a lady in West Bengal is doing something extraordinary confusing (quite opposite to it).
And I too shall confuse you and…ok! No…but! Ya….let me Speak about ‘Mamta’ whichever you can relate too. [this dilemma is important for my blog’s existence]

A cartoon by a Chemistry professor came out. When I heard about that while travelling in Delhi Metro, I thought ‘wow’. A cartoon by a chemistry prof, must be interesting. He must have taken a quick comic stand on the structures of testosterone’s OH group (in chemistry, it’s called alcoholic group) and estrogen’s COOH group (acid group! Though I have to admit, I have very limited knowledge about the structure of the female hormone) and then he must have compared to the Lefts/Rights of West Bengal. But like always, expectations lead to disappointments. Cruel news channel broadcasted the story and to my shear disappointment, the chemistry professor did not adhered to his area of expertise. It wasn’t about the testosterone/estrogen’s structure, infact it wasn’t about chemistry, infact it wasn’t a cartoon. All it was about was Mamata and her definition to define cartoon and what are the sections under which you can be tried if you don’t draw her ‘good’ cartoons. Fearful I am [ab mera kya hoga!]

This blog (SPEAKing PICtures) was first started to store my cartoons (namely earlier as FUNTOONs). At that time, I had limited space on my disks. Some brilliant optimizers convinced me to store my useless caricatures here (on web) and instead insisted to store those movies on the disk and make the collection. Collection, I am obviously not going to talk about. Thanks to that! I can call myself a movie jockey today and a sorry cartoonist.

So being a self-acclaimed cartoonist, I could technically testify that it wasn’t a cartoon. It was just a graphic (with very-very bad finish to it). But in the end, it highlighted the issue better than a cartoon. But the whole episode gave me quite a few insights about cartoons. And the reasons for not making cartoons of my opposite gender (F). I earlier thought, because they wear fake-up on their face most of the time, caricatures of them won’t be a good proposition (a manger should say 'an asset building exercise') all together and might harm the cartoonist’s somewhat acceptability. But thanks to Mamata, I now know the IPC sections under which I can be tried (like the graphic designer Prof. Ambikesh Mahapatra, the chemistry professor of Jadavpur University). Therefore, I be rather preventive (a pre-crisis strategy taught to me to avert Crisis in most relevant subject of MBA - Interpersonal Communication’s lecture of Crisis Management). Otherwise the trials can happen under –
- IPC section 500 (punishment of defamation). Cartoonists are already poor and not identified under BPL families even if they are. This section can really take of their existence. Risk type - Fatal
- IPC section 509 (make obscene gesture to a woman). Risk type – Fatal again especially if you are single and unmarried
- IPC section 114 (abettor present when offence is committed). Sorry! Can’t understand. Haven’t studied this in my legal aspects of business paper.
- sections 66 A and B of the IT Act (sending offensive communication). OMG! A simple cartoon under this. Savita Bhabhi might now feel a bit less important.

Essentially the sections above produce enough threat/risk/whatever for a cartoonist to have a take on females. But then, how will the guru from whom I copied my cartooning skills, Sudhir Tailang survive. For today’s India which is full of American fatty-acids, the cartoons of Behenji, Amma, Didi, Honourable? President, Madam, Devi can provide enough laughs to keep the heart fit. Imagine the consequences of a healthy laughing India - the planning commission will have to brainstorm less over the poverty line and can more time in planning IPL boundary lines. A reduction in poverty line will result an affordable consumption of Colas in the booming company. Bollywood ke starsons will then advertise BPL pack only for this much (marketers will call it ‘change the game’ strategy – an upliftment for the deprived…target bottom of the pyramid…wow)…I can’t stop, it’s like ‘Alice In Wonderland’.

But sadly, Mamata has no mamta for cartoonists. She feels offensive, threatened and what not. I can now see myself as a terrorist with a pen in hand and a smile (always). Obviously! The character sketch seems to be of an assassin (thanks to another Bengali – Bob Biswas in Kahaani). So, West Bengal if things remain same, it will be really difficult to speak/express/love/mamta.

A strong part of me has Bengal in it (thanks to my Mamta’s roots). The best thing about Calcutta is its charm and that everyone is kind of ‘livable-respectfully’ satisfied, if not rich. Oh! It is becoming nostalgic now, the charm of West Bengal (contact any of your Bong friend for a detailed account of this). My mother always says that Bengalis are a kind of oxymorons. They look loud & aggressive but are not (comparative to guys/dudes/jats of North). Bengalis are more expressive and creative. Creativity is the food for soul. May be thatswhy I perceive West Bengal to be satisfied. But if the current Mamata is supporting the arrest of chemistry prof…then I think
Think…
Think…
It’s right. Twist!. How dare he (the prof) infiltrate in the territory of cartoonists. All he made was a graphic yet he wanted to have all the fame. Cartoonists of India will not agree to this. And for TMC’s Mamata Di, they will drink Bournvita (on recommendation of quiz master Brien, who is silent after drinking it and not heard). They are also ready to go through the easy readable sections of IPC and make more cartoons of Mamata.

Now I regret my right palm fracture. I have lost the Golden opportunity to impress Didi. Somehow I have added a caricature, adopted from my publication at IIT Kanpur. However! I hope my fraternity of cartoonists (if they accept that I am a part) will remind of our love for your acts always.

(disclaimer – the reader should not assume that the author is a leftist sympathizer. And obviously this write-up is not intended to (cannot) cause any harm/offense/hurting. If it did, apologies in advance).

"Solace is an achievement sometimes"

Yesterday, I achieved my CGPA for yet another exam (which was surprisingly high). I say achievement because it knocked off my balls while studying for it. Everytime I scored low, the only thing I reminded myself was “dude! 12 lakhs investment, 20 lakhs opportunity cost, still casual…”. But the point is not that to struggle at something which you just don’t like. Why is it there? If it is there, why are we doing it? If we are doing it, why are we expecting a justified result?

I have no answer (still). Compulsion is the only word. At the end of the day, you have to tell your rank/score/cgpa to your fees-bearer. The struggle to dissociate you from that compulsion and be merry in what you like, is pata-nahi to me (I don’t know). How do I strike a balance? Amazing problem statement!

So, where was I, ya…balance. I took a chance this time (MBA is generally the last stage of a long educational career in India) and devoted quite a hell of my time in something else (club activities). Consequently it did me no good in studies/college but at that time, it was giving me a very fascinating gyaan (intangible learning). Friends are assets (no finance lecture will tell you this), but I discovered this asset in just the right time. I recovered my bad scores quite tremendously thanks to garg-kalani-bansal classes (:P). However, my struggle made me take a fallacy conclusion, that to be inactive in my club activities. Later, due to low score, I missed a collaborative Kellogg internship. Now, here am I, nowhere and idle but definitely happy and more contented.

So, what’s the idea to enjoy and chill amidst the state of what I call, directionless wandering. First reason – Sleep, really happy to have rediscovered it. 14/16 hours sleep during MBA inside a garam razai is a natural source of happiness. Movies, seeing them before they actually release is another great source of entertainment. Basically, the failure (the appropriate term considering tangible benefits fetched from my workings) has given me the opportunity to be calm and free. What was not available to you is now in abundance – time. You have bought time by failing yourself; so what it is a loser statement, but it damn works. So you start to score tremendously well without putting much real effort (touchwood) and are more dedicated towards what you like the most. That’s why the conclusion, “Solace is an achievement sometimes”.

ps: liteee…

that night from Ghaziabad

Travelling in chilly cold night from Ghaziabad in an old jerking bus (route is named ALT; alternate in many ways), I am still thinking on why ‘WHY’ is bothering me again! Somewhat a strange gush is slowly coming in. “Mujhe aaj daar nazar aa raha hai” as I slowly silently fought the thought but such was the emotional push that it prevailed me to seep (yet again) into career planning.

Back in the afternoon, I along with few friends was discussing what is important to succeed. A night before, it got a different perception, that of a girl of my class which confirm my belief that ‘everybody is different’. Yep. God made everybody unique BUT circumstances make everybody different. Nice creative one liner but will I get an opportunity to use it? Is the liner that beneficial? Not that I am cribbing but the fear of controlling yourself amidst so many uncontrollable factors is indeed a fiery idea. What a waste of time it was! that to think.

Continuing the journey, while passing I saw an empty warehouse. Then the board read it was a mall (somebody tagged it WIP – work in progress; must be a MBA). Stalled work or may be intentionally delayed. It speaks for growth without conviction of total confidence. It seems to me that because builder needs to do construction, he is doing so. So many flats on sale, builder billboards – what’s the mood? Keeping guessing would be an obvious answer. Now I am pursing management. I will say good words in a confident tone. Hence I shall observe, analyse, estimate and then forecast. My heart had the answer ready already. What a waste of managing wealth for a degree! Anyways…

Sorry for playing ‘Inception’, but I need to go back to afternoon. Discussing with a friend pursing management in Finance, the concepts of ROI are a cause of concern. “Maths is a bastard, you see” – famous saying of a practical teacher. It teaches you objectivity. The whole ROI concept is 99% relevant but 1% fraudant. Learning is never featured into it. ROI takes care only of tangible parameters, not of non-tangibles. May be I am talking to0O much OB here! I obviously hate it – I am subjective, but I like objectiveness. Bank balances are objective. World sees objectivity! Subjectivity invites filtration…another one

Coming back, travelling in metro is always fascinating. Why? Randomness. Delhi Metro always surprises you with train sizes, timings, midway stops, women reserved coaches, escalator functioning. But still it seems planned, or is it jugaad. Jugaad, the faith bearer to remove fear (daar; previously mentioned). May be that will drive optimism; wait for the budget next year. The UPA govt. shall jugaadify something (next election bribe)!

Why am I going into politics, is it because I am coming from Ghaziabad? I am in Delhi now (@home); civilized thinking shall prevail. The conclusion - the mall shall be back, so will the jobs, so will the money, so will the peace of mind, so will the greed, so will the justified learning…so will the sleep?? Anytime any-posture any-lecture :P

“Razai garam ke saath hai safar
Shayad aaj sona vapaas aa jaaye”

ps: temperature outside 4 degrees only

Open letter to MDI professors on their admission policy

To: apanjwani@mdi.ac.in, skumar@mdi.ac.in

Respected,

Firstly, I am honoured to write to you as you have quite uprightly mentioned your contact information. Not many do in our country. Small things like these prompted me to apply to the institute with which you are currently associated – MDI, Gurgaon.

I must recall you about myself. Infact this was the first question you asked me during the interview.
MBA aspirant’s name – ANKIT GUPTA
Just to give you a brief idea of my profile – X (80.6), XII (81.4), B.Tech (CS, Jamia) (8.05/10), 1 International research paper (LA, USA), 2 international tech journal articles, 3 yr work ex (CSC) – work on legacy transformation + consultant to 10 Indian life insurance companies, Blogger (feat in HT), Cartoonist (publication @ IIT Kanpur), Movie Jockey (Desimartini.com), winners at many nationwide contests organized by the likes of United Nation Volunteers India, NDTV 24*7, Mouthshut.com, winner at multiple events in college fests, scholarship holder at university…

And most importantly, highlighting my real credentials – 95.6 in CAT 2011

I must also recall you the day I was fortunate to meet you. I appeared before the MDI panel (you as one of the members) on 7 April 2011 (2 PM slot, panel 1) and even though I had a major doubt on my chances, I wanted to give a full best try because this was my last GDPI (may be of my life). Hope you can recollect the day. Nevertheless! Since there were a lot of candidates, it’s my duty to remind my episode with you.

GD topic – Greatest threat to India. I won’t comment on my performance as it involves many variables of perception and evaluation. Let us assume to be default and move on to PI which was of 30-35 mins. How am I so sure about the time period? My real brother accompanied me to get some MDI specific motivation and was waiting outside.
PI [Prof. Ashok Panjwani sitting on left (w.r.t me) & Prof. Sunil Kumar on his left]. Some of the sample questions asked by the panel of which you were a part –
* About me (answered to satisfaction)
* Asked to draw a cartoon (I made a cartoon sketching both of you! I believe you can recall me now)
* How come an international research paper
* How do you manage your time
* How will you stop corruption in India in 3 steps
* Why e-governance not much successful
* Passport service has not change even after IT coming into it
* Is ITC successful with its e-chauppal thing
* What calls do you have (IMT, IMI, TAPMI)
* Any iims (no sir)
* Will you join them (yes sir)
* Is it a wise to join them after 3 years of work-ex
* Why not MBA last yr itself
* Interested in which specialization
* What kind of profile are you targeting after MBA…
…etcetera…All answered in above-avg/excellent replies (strictly my view)
Sir, I would also remind you of the fact that I too asked a question. Ques was “what was the CAT score weightage in final selections for MDI”. I also explained you the logic and the difference it would make incase of 70% weightage is given to CAT score (absolute marks); consequently I would need 11 more than an aspirant who secured 99 out of rest 30%. Response was –
Prof. Sunil Kumar - wait till the results are out and so will be the criteria
Prof. Ashok Panjwani – we don’t take absolute scores and take only percentiles. There are only marginal differences…you too have a chance

…obviously I didn’t. I ended up being at 2015/2177…this sums up for me…I doubt anybody in 95 range got through

So, as a part of consequence management I would like you to address these-
1. Why did MDI even called us (unfortunate ones with 95 percentiles)? To laugh upon us!
2. Why a 30 min interview? False hopes! why can’t just discard in first 5 minutes!
3. Why a false show-off that ‘you too can get in at 95?
4. Why doesn’t MDI puts a separate page on its site elaborating expectations from its future students?

One obvious learning – everything is worthless except scores. This is how it works in India. You have made me realize my rock bottom moment of my academic career. You have made me realize that even learned people like you (being passouts of premier colleges like IIT Kanpur, IIM Ahmedabad), value only and I repeat, only scores.
Why will somebody study to research & innovate and not for scores! Why will (sorry! Why should) somebody do something new in his last year projects and not aim for 100%tile. After all we all want that in India (don’t we)?
Quoting Infosys chief mentor N R Narayan Murty from his book -
“India filed 363 patents compared to 84271 filed by USA, 35350 by Japan and 5938 by Taiwan”

Hoping in the subsequent years, MDI creates a more practical approach to accept its students otherwise going by the admission policy of our premier institutes (including MDI), we shall never go ahead in the above quote of Narayan Murty…firm believe I have (unfortunate but true just like my rejection).

I sincerely hope this request is not unheard and brings some ignition.

With warm regards,
Ankit Gupta

ps: I should not mention this sadist post here but don’t know why I am doing this. Incase anybody finds the content of this post objectionable; accept my unconditional apologies in advance. No intend to defame anybody (person/institute). Free to discuss anything in comments/anywhere

ये पल, मेरे पल, आने वाले पल

written sometime in early Nov 2010...I don't know what to call it; a poem, a chandh, etc; but its genuine

aana wala hai ek pal
usko aane do
kyu darr rahe to hum
phele beet to jana do
pal mein jo likha hai vo honi hai
pal se bhaaga to haar to honi hi hai
bas ja us pal mein
aur dekh le vo pal
pal do pal ki baat hai pyaare
dekh le inko nahi to
agli baar tak intezaar kar

us pal ke liye kitne pal hai tune kiye barbaad
raat raat neend uda ke pal ka kiya intezaar
ab jab paas hai to phir wahi ehsaas
ye pal hi to jo banaenge gagan chumti saas
ab chal pal na barbaad kar isko soch ke
pal se jo kehna hai bas palo mein hi soch le
likh le yahin vo pal ko syahi se
ab jab lamha aa gaya hai sunhera kar de unko

ye pal, mere pal, aane wale pal
(ये पल, मेरे पल, आने वाले पल)

Answer to the biggest question about Commonwealth Games 2010 @ New Delhi

“CWG – source of silly humour thesedays. Prove it” ------- 10 marks

As a Delhi blogger who had this noble thought to invest his hard earned money to buy CWG 2010 tickets on the first day itself, ‘disappointed’ is what I feel now. However, today when you read my write-up, intend is to make you happy; not disappointed.

We have to go back to the important year of 2003, when India was selected to play the host for 2010 edition of Commonwealth Games. India (the land of non-violence) silently paid an acceptable ‘wealth’ to all commonwealth nations to come here and participate. Under the leadership and guidance of our honourable ‘much’ respectable Suresh Kalmadi, CWG 2010 was allotted to India and from then onwards, it was Suresh Kalmadi’s baby.

The Indian government saw the navigating capabilities in the wings of pilot Kalmadi and formed an OC (organizing committee) to oversee growth of Kalmadi’s baby (i.e. CWG 2010 games). Kalmadi’s foreign aids were two expensive imported Mikes (Mike Hooper and Mike Fenell). Days went pass. Years went pass. The Indian government forgot about the games. But then came...the Indian media

The Indian media ran a reality check and in process discovered nothing but what was obvious – corruption in OC. CWG mess got the 9 PM slot of news channels thanks to numerous financial frauds investigations and Bang Boom Blast happened in OC. The useful abbreviations (CVC, CBI, ED, PMO, etc) came into scene for a few days but still Kalmadi assured the world that his baby is getting healthier day by day. God heard this lie and directed the rain Gods to give Delhi an over flowing Yamunaji (can you believe that!). Heavy rains collapsed all plans of juggad work for Games and since then the baby is transferred to Cabinet Secretary, Delhi CM, and Minister of Urban Development with Prime Minister of the nation watching its growth (indeed a lucky baby).

Lately there are more negatives attached to these games than positives, but I hope you aren’t feeling disappointed. So what if ‘salt packet sized’ countries like New Zealand, Whales and Scotland pokes you with their hygiene standards and then without any justification complains about dogs using beds and paan stains and dangerous sockets and filth and dengue and security. Man! this complaining is so very imperialistic…so very uncool!! Surely Birmingham is behind this (let special branch of Delhi Police investigate this and submit a report).

And by the way, why are these countries cribbing at all. Haven’t they researched that paan is a flavour of perfume (also condom nowdays). It erases your stress, especially after that lane-designed traffic mess. Somebody please tell them that the strains were to ‘globalify’ paan (one of the cheapest food items which can be quite handy during the times of recession in commonwealth).

And hey, how dare do they complain about dogs using beds. If athletes who run 100 metres deserve a lavish sleep; have a heart for these dogs that run miles on Delhi pot-roads. Animal lovers? PETA? Where are you?

About the more serious security issue. As an Indian I can assure you about foolproof security. Infact you will most probably be getting an individual army soldier as he is now abundant. He is now even making pedestrian bridges for us; a fine example of building the nation (saving the country as usual).

Then there is another very amusing story. South Africa ambassador to India finds a snake! Isn’t South Africans known to love wildlife? Why can’t he arrange a visa for that poor lean flexible specie and rehabilitate him in South Africa? Afterall Delhi is on a mass cleaning mission (say no to authorised species be it snakes or monkeys or migrants).

Oh! I forgot to tell you about my hygiene standards. They are surely different from that of Lalit Bhanot. You see we are diverse in India and we are diverse in everything.

And how can we miss out on our sports minister; CWG is a shaadi for him. For many b-school students, CWG mess is now a case study and a prime example of ‘juggad-theory’ failure. It seems that the preparation of CWG resembles the last minute preparations by a student before his exam. In reality the student might pass but the probability that he will top this way is rationally low.

Lastly, you must be asking what about CWG 2010’s mascot Shera (my friend). I met him yesterday and he told my disappointed soul something by which he is still bearing a smile. As Shera says “bade bade desho mein aisi choti choti baatein hoti rehti hai”.

Just a second, somebody is there at the door. Oh! It’s the private courier wala with my commonwealth tickets for opening ceremony. See you there and hey! Do spot me in that 40-50 crore Helium balloon.

ps: apologies for not mentioning about athletes. Hope you are not disappointed (and if incase you are, try making a Jaane Bhi Do Yaroon, afterall you won’t get a better opportunity)

SPEAKing PICtures will be back with the review of the opening ceremony of Commonwealth Games 2010.
Till then LET US ALL SUPPORT THESE GAMES.

Delhi Auto-Expo 2010 & some reaally interesting awards

After the much publicized Delhi Auto-Expo in 2008, its version of twenty10 was to be a mega affair. And it was.
Some glimpses and awards given by SpeakingPictures –

click on pictures for enlarged view

1) Mercedes -
I have a special liking towards this luxury, so a slight bias towards it is inevitable. Merc SLS (one with wings) had words like ‘hot’ and ‘sexy’ personified in it. Anybody who is a maniac for “hot wheels” will love it. Merc also had its merchandize stall inside its pavilion with prices comparable to their cars.
Mercedes wins the ‘leave-your-hot-chick-for-me’ award for its SLS.

2) Audi
Audi is the third biggest luxury cars brand after BMW and Merc in India. And it seems they are aggressive about being the numero uno. Their pavilion was situated within the main hall facing the BMW (largest luxury car seller in 2009). Audi showcased their normal white-beauties with attitude living attendants (who were busy flirting within themselves, God bless them). Audi wanted more popularity than its competition and were easily successful in doing so. By bringing vintage Audi 225 Roadster, they celebrated 100 years of Audi. But what stole the show was R8 4.2 Quattro. Flamboyantly displayed in melting shiny orange, it was the face of Audi in 2010 Delhi Auto-Expo. Consequently, Audi got the maximum attendance in 2010 Delhi Auto-Expo.

Audi wins ‘mujhe-na-chhuna-pari-hoon-main’ award for their attendants’ effort in preventing crowd from touching that sexy seducer R8 4.2.

3) Tata Motors
In 2008, these people stole the show. ‘Nano’, the 1L people’s car made India shine on the map of world car market. As a matter of fact, they deserve the credit for the popularity of Indian cars in the outside world. Also, Tata has inorganically expanded its empire in automobiles by acquiring Land Rover and Jaguar. These too were showcased in 2010 Delhi Auto-Expo and I really liked them (except the pricing, why will anyone buy Jaguar for 1.03 crore when it’s just a Jaguar and not a Merc/BMW/Audi). Nano was displayed in different colours (and even though I am not a liker of pink, I have to say pink Nano was very cute). Rest from Tata was boring including its never ending array of indigenous products comprising of various variants of Indica/Vista/Manza/Indigo/etc.

In addition to the above, Tata aggressively showcased their new brand of trucks ‘Prima’. Seeing their marketing for this brand, they might just successfully create a different segment within trucks category – ‘Prima’, the premium movers.

Tata wins the ‘hum-nahi-sudhrenge’ award for their chota haathi- Iris (leftmost in pic). It symbolizes their attempt and effort to create every car nano-sized.

4) Chevrolet (Chevy)
GM may be bankrupt in US but they are reeaallly trying to break into Hyundai and Maruti’s market share through Ritz’s looking Chevy Beat (shockingly priced at 3.34 L, it's a steal). Unfortunately, GM disappointed with their merchandize instore. Unlike Merc, which had merchandize of world level, GM had localized ones; No convertible transformer (Camaro->Bumblebee) – a big disappointment.
Chevy wins ‘I-really-really-want-that-Indian-guy’ award as they are the only ones who have contacted me for a test-drive post Auto-Expo.

Chevy Indian cars lacks flamboyance. Hence they brought Camaro from Transformers ‘Bumblebee’ fame. It’s huge yet subtle, it’s not fancy yet an eye-candy.

Chevy Camaro ‘Bumblebee’ wins the ‘lovable’ award.

5) Volkswagen (VW)
VW really need to revise their marketing basics. At exhibitions of this size, apart from publicizing your country specific models, you also need to show fancy flamboyance stuff which gets you attention especially when you are a new player. Sadly, VW played a contrary game with displaying there B+ segment car Polo 4 times. The cartoonist instincts saw Polo as a mini Lancer from some angles. There was Beetle, Jetta and others (seen earlier in VW ad). VW’s Sports Polo was cool, Beetle was girlie; rest just ok.

Given the fact that VW had one of the biggest pavilions in 2010 Expo, they were a disappointment. VW had non-Indian highly technical attendants (makes any sense??); some were frustrated to see Indians using exit door for entry and knew they were in a crowded market with zero localized knowledge. Another incident happened at reception, where I was filling my test-drive form; Indian girls at reception gossiping and teaching their foreign saheliyas about words like toota, etc (professionalism anybody!!).
VW wins the ‘i-mean-business’ award.

6) BMW
Wow, another luxury brand. BMW surprisingly overtook Merc in 2009 as the largest luxury car seller as they sold some 3600+ cars. But surprisingly, their 2010 Expo pavilion had none of their flamboyance and being in front of Audi, they were easily outshined. There new entrant ‘BMW Gran Turismo’ in pale blue was devoid of any lustre and hence is awarded the ‘sleeping-dodo’ award.

7) Yamaha
Anybody who loves speed loves sports bikes. And Yamaha was the best when considering sports bike in 2010 Expo. Also, Rossi was here and so was his bike (comparatively sober than its earlier version). Harley Davidson also made its debut but frankly, at the price at which they sell, it is difficult to choose a HD over a speedstar, that too when you are just 23.

They easily wins the 'vroom-dhoom-aur-ghoom' award

Drive safely…incase you need any full pic, leave your email in comments

one year after 26/11 attacks...

Today is the first anniversary of 26/11 terrorist attacks which happened in Mumbai. Television one year back was broadcasting the ordeal LIVE, now it is telecasting recorded customized tributes...I am also adding a small tribute here on my space...

Wanted to dedicate something! Found nothing special...just a picture of Taj Heritage, Taj New and Gateway of India which I took on 20 Jan 2008. It is the best picture of Mumbai in my picasa. The events of 26/11 just make it more respectful & special...

My tributes to the Late Major Sandeep Unnikrishnan and all those 180 men who died a year before. May their souls rest in peace.

ps: Ever wonder why a foreign national (who we all know is a terrorist) still tried in sessions court?? Why can't we just try him out directly in Supreme court?? Why do we have to follow Sessions Court -> High Court -> Supreme Court for a guy who is not even an Indian!! Why can't the rules be amended for this?? We are automatically delaying justice and spending taxpayers money (mine included) on his secure lifestyle in Arther Jail!!

Same sentiments were echoed by TOI's site at 2:16 am on 26/11 along with facts as there topmost headline...

Peace(.)

Review – FakeIPLplayer (part – I)

More than half of IPL gone and KKR is loosing. To entertain myself I decided to review blog of the famous (known by the name ‘fake’) ipl player. Hope you are entertained also.

KKR. Kolkata Knightriders. What to say about this team which embeds “City Of Joy” in its name. I can’t start my review before I tell you/ you know something about the current scenario of KKR. This team is in a mess. Why? (read newspapers, you will find strange articles on multiple captains, rifts etc). Having Shah-ruk-ruk-Khan as owner and Dada-Sau-ran Gang-ungli as the biggest Indian player in it, it had to do well….but…reality is flipside. Our friend cum spy Mr. Fake-IPL-Player tells why through his blog.

Blogger was never so popular amidst masses in India until this guy came to tell his version of IPL. For those who don’t know about fakeiplplayer, this blog claims to provide ‘aankhon dekha haal’ from inside of KKR’s dressing room. He presumably is a non-playing-on-bench-water-boy in KKR.

Characters of his blog and there real identities incase you don’t know –
His KKR mates -

1. Dil-do (megalomaniac owner of KKR – SRK),
2. Lord Almighty (Acting captain of KKR before IPL started – Dada Saurav),
3. Kaan Moolo - Former India player who will remain a former India player for the rest of his career (a-NIL-agarkar). Kaan for his enormous ears.
4. Calypso King refers to Chris Gayle
5. RDB refers to Randeep Bose
6. Phoren Babas refers to the elite 10 member couching staff hired by Dil-do from Aussie. It includes Bhooka Naan.
7. Little John refers to Ishant Sharma
8. Bangla Tiger refers Mashrafe Mortaza
9. Junta Tormentor refers to Ajantha Mendis
10. Bookha Naan refers to Buchanan
11. Shakespeare refers to Akash Chopra
12. Ganji Hanger refers to Sanjay Bangar
13. Chintu Singh refers to Anureet Singh
14. Candy Nickle refers to Andy Biche
15. Mangal Pandey refers to Laxmiratan Shukla
16. Gilli Danda refers to Ashok Dinda
17. Boy George refers to Brad Hodge
18. Style Bhai refers to Murli Kartik
19. Budhiman Baba refers to Wridhiman Saha
20. Sticky Something refers to Ricky Ponting
21. Pa*ty Curry refers to ??
22. Chikna Pu*sy refers to David Hussey


Outside KKR guys –

1. Kishen Kanhaiyya commentator – Ravi Shastri – his moustache resembles Anil Kapoor of movie Kishen Kanhaiyya.
2. Sandy Baddy refers to Bandira Badi
3. Appam Chu**ya refers to Shreeshanth
4. Prince Charles of Patiala refers to Yuvi
5. Babli refers to Pretty Zinta
6. Sheikh of Tweak refers to Shane Warne
7. Bevdaa Team refers Bangalore Royal Challengers
8. Big Sister’s Team refers to Rajasthan Royals
9. Bubblie’s Team refers to Punjab Kings XI
10. Mr.Batlivala refers Mr Vijay Mallya
11. Little Monster / Aila refers to Sachin
12. Chatterjee Kaku refers to the old man who appears in Nokia ad contemplating ‘iss baar tum bhi jeetoge’
13. John Wrong refers to John Wright
14. Havaii Chappal refers to Greg Chapel
15. Meera Bhai refers to Harbhajan Singh
16. BubLee refers to Bret Lee
17. Sheeghra-Patan refers to Yousuf Pathan
18. Akram Azam refers to Kamran Khan
19. Big Mac refers to Mathew Hayden
20. Peter Ka Beta refers to Peterson
21. RVR Sing refers to VRV Singh
22. Joker - The Nepali guy(Chang) who was Indian Idol host
23. Big Sister refers to Shilpa Shetty
24. Little Sister refers to Shamita Shetty
25. Lady Jaya refers to Mahila Jayawardene
26. Deeghra Patan refers to Irfan Pathan
27. Arnold Power refers to Ramesh Powar
28. Pedophile Priest refers to Adam Gilchrist
29. VVS Ram refers to VVS Laxman
30. Ghati Baba refers to Rohit Sharma
31. Chinnu Popli refers to Virat Kohli
32. Chirkut Teli refers to Bharat Chipli
33. Durbaan of Patiala refers to Tom Moody
34. Saala Slimeball refers to Lalit Modi
35. Vakil Saab refers to Kumara Sangakkara
36. Cool Dude refers to MS Dhoni
37. Deeawar refers to Rahul Dravid

Headlines (Blog entries) of fakeiplplayer.blogspot.com

Let the game begin – Fake-IPL-KKR’s intro & role in KKR
The first match begins – partying in South Africa
Rumours and all – Lord Almighty out of playing 11 & accolades to Bhooka Naan
In the Stadium for Opening Ceremony – Praising Dil-do’s wife, Bativala & Lord Almighty’s scare of being sacked
We Play Today – Practise session and criticism of inauguration
Long Night…Short Post – Sheikh Warn & 3 angels
Lord Not Opening – Care & Concern about Lord Almighty
Rains & ruins – The weather report
Load Shedding – No electricity
I knew it! – Confused team with absurd strategies
Opium Night – Description about Club ‘Opium’ & Appam Chu**ya
Durban…Raining here as well – Critics of Bhooka Naan
The Wright Way – Fake IPL Player realizes the reality
Match Eve – Praise of Calypso King
We Play Today Again – Fake IPL Player gets noticed
The hunter has become the hunted – KKR in the quest of Fake-IPL-KKR.
Why Kaan Moolo got the Boot – Reason for Kaan Moolo expulsion.
The Lord Returns – Lord Almighty did the talking that day
I love match days – Rest Days & more light on Apaam-Meera Slap incident.
When the going gets tough – Laptops confiscated
Players love it – Everybody loves Fake-IPL-KKR
Morning Training Report – Lordie runs for a chance to snub Dil-do
This team rocks – Lordie boycotted by Phoren Babas & Price-Tag on Fake-IPL-KKR
BubLee aur Babli – guest entry (song) by Bubblies
Experiment flopped – sorry for the guest entry, criticism of Joker
Emosional Atyachaar – Lordie getting emotional, More absurd strategies of KKR & IPL’s fakeness
Big Match – Big Party and how Patiala Price, RVR & Appam tried to impress goris?
Hats Off to Bhookha Naan - Shakespeare and Ganji Hanger sent back while Appam stays back, advice to Batlivala
Battle of the losers – Team Meeting and signals of revolt by Mangal Pandey
Bye Calypso. Thanks for entertaining us! – Abysmal Farewell, Dil-do image degraded & Fake-IPL-KKR promises to reveal his identity.
Port Elizabeth – Here we come again – General Observations
Is this a bad dream? – Calypso leaves with some others to go after the loss
Finally some respite – And here she goes down…again. KKR men just can’t handle her!!
Volcano erupts in the pool – Skipper speaks, Dil-do seeks Sticky’s help & Appam’s name awarded cult status.
Big Game Hunting – Men looking for SA pie
Fights, flights and conspiracies – Lordie to be dropped, phoren coaches suggestions for next year’s IPL
It’s decision time folks – Lordie in & your vote counts here

Analysis

Few questions which are unanswered?
Ques1) Is Fake-IPL-KKR really fake?
Ques2) If No! Who is it?
Ques 3) Who is laughing the most?
And here we go for some answers…

Ans 1) As far as he can write intriguing captivating stuff, it doesn’t care.
Ps: there is a major possibility that some unsatisfied maniac/player/commentator/’over’ actor have asked some XYZ person to author this blog

Ans 2) Now comes the only original part of this post, rest was just compilation. Assuming the fake-IPL-player is not really fake, I have done some analysis and as a result of which, below are some probables for Mr. FIP:-

NOTE: Parameters considered for nomination –
1) Command in English & daring to use obscene words
2) Level of ‘frustu’ness
3) Bitter relationship with SRK (i.e Dil-do)
4) Analytical thinking – useful in connecting different blog entries & keeping reading pace captivating.
5) Amount of self-praising
6) Knowledge about player’s background. FIP uses Vakil Saab for Kumara Sangakkara and the fact Kumara Sangakkara is a trained lawyer, which means he must have good knowledge of players’ background.
7) Hatred against Bhooka Naan (Buchanan) & Shreesanth (i.e. Appam Chu).

1) Bangla Tiger (Mashrafe Mortaza)
For the (nomi)motion – This guy must be having high degree of ‘frustu’ness in him as he is on bench for more than half of the tournament. Also, google says he has good knowledge of Queen’s language.
Against the (nomi)motion – Does he have a good analytical mind?

2) Dada-Sau-ran (Saurav Ganguli)
For the (nomi)motion – Everybody knows his frequency doesn’t matches with SRK and KKR coaches. He must be moderately ‘frustu’. Also when you read the blog, the amount of praising done makes him a easy probable.
Against the (nomi)motion – Does he has so much brains to create this kind of blog?? Does he have so much time??

3) RDB (Randeep Bose)
For the (nomi)motion – A fine talent sitting on bench for a very long time. He must be very ‘frustu’ till date. He plays from Bengal and my research says he doesn’t like Appam too much.
Against the (nomi)motion – His writing skills?

4) Style Bhai (Murli Kartik)
For the (nomi)motion – A fluent English speaking personality who is tech-savy too. Loves Ganguly and hates KKR coaching staff.
Against the (nomi)motion – Level of ‘frustu’ness? Hatred against Appam-Chu?

5) Harsha Bogle
For the (nomi)motion – This IIM passout has a superb brain and great analytical skills. His relations with SRK - May be he didn’t liked SRK publicly disgracing fellow commenter Gavaskar (he wrote a column criticizing multiple captaincy concept). He is one guy who would have good knowledge of player’s background too.
Against the (nomi)motion – Why is he so ‘frustu’? Why would he be so ‘anti-Appam-Chu’?. Will somebody like Harsha Bogle use obscene words like Chu**ya, Dil-do, Pus*y in his writings?

Ans 3: So who is having the last laugh here! SET MAX obviously. They must be laughing everytime STAR PLUS appears at the back of elite KKRs.
My sympathies with STAR PLUS. After tackling Ekta Kapoor for 10 years, they have to handle dil-do’s KKR…dard-e-Dil-DO…poor chaps!!

Still to come on SPEAKing PICtures: Buddy Zoozoos
Don't miss – FIP review(part – II) after IPL-2 gets over.

Am trying to ape the idea of FIP. WIll be starting Fake-IT-Worker. Kindly get in touch if you belong to Software/Silly-con Industry

'Jai ho' VS 'Jey ho'

My good friend cum colleague (Mr. Gamer) told me about the new version of the 'Jai Ho' from the movie, Slumdoggy Millionaire. The video stars Pussycat-Dolls (with A.R. Rehman contributing 'Jai Ho' to it...apparently the only Hindi words in this 'angrezi' customized version. Watch it if you haven't.


click for 'Jey Ho' lyrics

In case you haven't watched the old one (belonging to the original movie) :-


click for 'Jai Ho' lyrics

So, Million Dollar Question I have for you? Which version did you like? Pussycats one or the original one?
I like Pussycats version...

FYI - The latter got the oscar!! And the former is inspired from the latter!!

Trainspotting Millions at the cost of 'Slumdogs'

The [starting lines] of Trainspotting starts with this following narration:

Mark “Rent-boy” Renton :
“Choose Life. Choose a Job. Choose a career. Choose a family. Choose a fcuking big Television. Choose Washing Machines, Cars, Compact Disc Players and electrical tin opener.
Choose good health, Low cholesterol and dental insurance. Choose fixed interest mortgage repayments. Choose a home. Choose your friends.
Choose Leisurewear, and matching luggage. Choose a three piece suite on hire purchase. Choose DIY wondering who the fcuking you are on a Sunday morning. Choose a couch watching mind numbing spirit crushing game shows stuffing fcuking junk food into your mouth.
Choose rotting away at the end of it all pissing your last in a miserable home nothing more than an embarrassment to the selfish brats you've spawned to replace yourselves. Choose your future. Choose Life !
But why would I want to do a thing like that. I chose not to choose life. I chose something else. And the reasons? There are no reasons. Who needs reasons when you've got heroin.”
And its theme. Only, the nonconformist here swings between choosing and not choosing life.

[the last lines]

Mark “Rent-boy” Renton :
So why did I do it? I could offer a million answers - all false. The truth is that I'm a bad person. But, that's gonna change - I'm going to change. This is the last of that sort of thing. Now I'm cleaning up and I'm moving on, going straight and choosing life. I'm looking forward to it already. I'm gonna be just like you.
The job, the family, the fcuking big television. The washing machine, the car, the compact disc and electric tin opener, good health, low cholesterol, dental insurance, mortgage, starter home, leisure wear, luggage, three piece suite, DIY, game shows, junk food, children, walks in the park, nine to five, good at golf, washing the car, choice of sweaters, family Christmas, indexed pension, tax exemption, clearing gutters, getting by, looking ahead, the day you die. **

And he shot these lines with perfection. He is Daniel Boyle, director of Slumdog Millionaire (‘Slumdog Crorepati’ in Hindi).

This is not like a movie review which you are going to read. I saw the movie once and then I heard a lot of hype about the movie. And I decided to watch it twice (just for the sake of analysis).

The movie has an original plot (restructured from a bestseller) and is different from regular thrillers. It is different but it is not extraordinary. Neither by the measure of performance nor overall.

Anyways kudos to Slumdog for oscaring through awards. Though I would like to appreciate Amitabh Bachchan’s perception about not serving bollywood movies on the same platter at these foreign awards. A movie like Taare Zameen Per (to be reviewed later), got rejected. And I see no reason for its expulsion. It has a bright theme and lovely emotional storyline. On the other hand, we have Slumdog, which is dark and nothing new in it frankly (apart from plot). If Danny wanted to showcase the poverty of India and make big bugs out of it…he could have done it in a ‘Swades’ type way. The plot of Swades and Slumdog, both had poverty in them. The former shows how people are happy without basic essentials like water but still carry afford smiles easily. On the contrary, in latter you see kids from slums (alias slumdogs) took up crime as there support-stick to get rich.

There MAY be other factors too. Are Oscars going like most private awards in Hindi Movie Industry did? Are production houses behind the politics of Oscars (remember? Reliance BigTV and Walt Disney alliance)? Is it having any influence for bollywood on ‘western-market’? Speculations arise if a non-deserving candidate wins.

Last word for Rehmaan n other Indians (Gulzaar, etc). They deserved it. If not for Slumdog, definitely for his past movies. Hence, Oscars to them are justifiable. But I find no reason why Mother India, Salam Bombay, Lagaan, Taare Zameen Par should not get an oscar if Slumdog has.

I wonder what they perceive about India in the Oscarland! If Poverty exists in India, people still cherish it.

An Indian movie (directed by a British) getting an oscar is a golden opportunity for Indian movie fraternity to capitalize on it. We have a chance now and if we still don’t dance on it, brilliant cinema like TZP, Lagaan, etc will still loose out in the coming future too.
so0O…

Jai Ho!!

** - The lines above are taken from a cult movie 'Trainspotting' directed by Danny Boyle. Trainspotting in slang means 'injecting heroin'.

Late Major Sandeep Unnikrishnan: An Ironic End

“mein khud se to parchit na hua
par ratano ko jaanene ki tamaana rahkta hoon
vo chale gaye to kya hua
unki ruuh se milne ki aasha karta hoon”

Sentiments inside me were high. My timeline stopped for a few seconds and the cursory look changed into a pensive stare. And I smiled because I realized my helplessness. Wish I was a God. Wish I was a judge of humanity. But reality always ditches you…ironic! Isn’t it?

Mumbai saw India’s deadliest terrorist attacks in recent times this Nov. On 26th Nov around 1 AM IST, my friend Karan (currently in Mumbai) told me to switch my TV on. Period. That night I went to sleep around 5 in the morning, witnessing the ordeal LIVE. Seeing terrorists firing at reporters from a hijacked police car and that too LIVE on television shocked me. I believe ‘Shock’ is a small term here; for 15 min I wasn’t able to understand the television. Everything was happening like a bad dream. Wish it would have been a dream and not a reality ever. But…Won’t say more…read newspapers

Approx. 180 died in the attacks…

On 3rd Dec 2008, I came across Major Sandeep Unnikrishnan’s profile on Orkut. Major Sandeep passed away while he was in command in Operation Cyclone at Taj Heritage Hotel in Mumbai. At first glance, the profile seemed an original one. He had a ‘stud-y’ profile pic along with many pics and videos in his collection.

Bang! something I saw which perturbed me…

Out of the 4 videos appearing on his profile, 3 belonged to a band named ‘Strings’ (a Pakistani band, one of my favorites too). I went inside his video collection and found 15 out of 24 videos selected by him belonged to Strings. Huff! A storm was there in my mind. I don’t know what struck me; may be I became too emotional in that hour of morning (3 AM). I asked my conscience how this can be possible, on one hand he loved songs by Pakistanis and on other he was killed by bullets of Pakistanis. IRONY…many incidents have no justification yet they happen…why? (Even I have no answer to it)
Ps: - Some of the videos selected by him – Khawab, Zinda Hoon, Duur, Aakri Alvida Na Ho. (Even the names are ironic! Isn’t it?)

I am putting a picture of the martyr symbolizing the calmness reflected from him (read for more on Sandeep). God should have been more compassionate towards him…May his soul rest in peace
‘Do not come up, I will handle them’

- Maj. Sandeep Unnikrishnan- 1977-2008

Lastly, I read some statements about Porkistan in international media. They are ‘to the point’ and I won’t strike any word out of it. JUST Totally Apt and Befitting for Porkistan.
“Pakistan has everything that gives you an international migraine. It has nuclear weapons, it has terrorism, extremists, corruption, is very poor and it's in a location that's really, really important (referring to neighbourhood of India)…” - former US secretary of state Madeleine Albright.
Porkistan will face very tough times ahead (and anybody having doubts is basically fooling himself!! BEWARE).

JAI HIND

ICICI – "I had an eerie experience"

How and again how…How do we sometimes land on the ‘planets of Troubles’ without any routes? Sometimes you do live like Alice (Alice in TROUBLEland)…

I had a frustrating ‘money-losing’ experience few days back. At 6:45 pm, I got a call from a lady. Unlike Chetan Bhagat’s ON@TCC, the call was not from any God/Goddess, rather she belonged to ICICI. Her message was simple, somewhat strange and shocking too. “Sir, aapke cash mein fake note mile hai”.

CHEERS n ROCK ON…party was on for me…

The prelude is important. At 11:30 am, I went to ICICI for depositing a large amount in person. It was the first time I was depositing money in my 4 month old ICICI account. Coupon system was followed to implement FIFO (first in first out) approach. As my turn came, the man at the counter asked me to deposit the whole money in envelope; rather to the cashier. Though I was a bit skeptical about depositing in packet, I trusted the system. After depositing it, I was told it will come in account after 2 hours.

I went back and did what I love most – slept…

At 6:45 pm I got that call informing me about a fake 500 Rupee note in my cash. I rushed and I ran. I was told I won’t be getting back that fake note (which I knew beforehand). Point to highlight here that ‘fake note’ was taken from Canara Bank. My first question to them was ‘why wasn’t I informed after 2 hours after my deposition?’. To which they replied, the camera systems weren’t working so it got delayed. My second question was ‘ Why did he asked me to deposit in envelope?” To which they replied…(silence)…

After my persistent request (which later started sounding like demand), I was shown the fake note on camera. They deposited the rest of the amount…and the icing on the cake was done by there ATM machine, which I guess was having some network problems. Sadly, the impression about ICICI services has compelled me to change my bank.

Some days are like that. You just can’t help yourself. I walked away with a smile hoping my hard earned 500 bugs reach somebody needy on this DIWALI…

JAI HO LAXMI MAATE