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To appreciate this piece, you have to go through this or have had Icetea @ IITD
Demolished Nescafe :
Today this was the condition of our beloved hangout heaven (Nescafe, IIT Delhi), where we used to spend so0O many Saturday evenings doing BC and improving our only talent.
Today we had a dent in our lives; tsunami we felt had crossed this structure…and got our heart punctured. The big blow had got our walk to slow.
Today no outsiders was seen, no party animals there
And the authorities demolished it due to their fear.
Today me and Sandy had to discuss complex question and there silly answers without THE icetea…
….
….
….
Today we just exchanged songs on Bluetooth…
Nescafe before:
More than half of IPL gone and KKR is loosing. To entertain myself I decided to review blog of the famous (known by the name ‘fake’) ipl player. Hope you are entertained also.
KKR. Kolkata Knightriders. What to say about this team which embeds “City Of Joy” in its name. I can’t start my review before I tell you/ you know something about the current scenario of KKR. This team is in a mess. Why? (read newspapers, you will find strange articles on multiple captains, rifts etc). Having Shah-ruk-ruk-Khan as owner and Dada-Sau-ran Gang-ungli as the biggest Indian player in it, it had to do well….but…reality is flipside. Our friend cum spy Mr. Fake-IPL-Player tells why through his blog.
Blogger was never so popular amidst masses in India until this guy came to tell his version of IPL. For those who don’t know about fakeiplplayer, this blog claims to provide ‘aankhon dekha haal’ from inside of KKR’s dressing room. He presumably is a non-playing-on-bench-water-boy in KKR.
Characters of his blog and there real identities incase you don’t know –
His KKR mates -
1. Dil-do (megalomaniac owner of KKR – SRK),
2. Lord Almighty (Acting captain of KKR before IPL started – Dada Saurav),
3. Kaan Moolo - Former India player who will remain a former India player for the rest of his career (a-NIL-agarkar). Kaan for his enormous ears.
4. Calypso King refers to Chris Gayle
5. RDB refers to Randeep Bose
6. Phoren Babas refers to the elite 10 member couching staff hired by Dil-do from Aussie. It includes Bhooka Naan.
7. Little John refers to Ishant Sharma
8. Bangla Tiger refers Mashrafe Mortaza
9. Junta Tormentor refers to Ajantha Mendis
10. Bookha Naan refers to Buchanan
11. Shakespeare refers to Akash Chopra
12. Ganji Hanger refers to Sanjay Bangar
13. Chintu Singh refers to Anureet Singh
14. Candy Nickle refers to Andy Biche
15. Mangal Pandey refers to Laxmiratan Shukla
16. Gilli Danda refers to Ashok Dinda
17. Boy George refers to Brad Hodge
18. Style Bhai refers to Murli Kartik
19. Budhiman Baba refers to Wridhiman Saha
20. Sticky Something refers to Ricky Ponting
21. Pa*ty Curry refers to ??
22. Chikna Pu*sy refers to David Hussey
Outside KKR guys –
1. Kishen Kanhaiyya commentator – Ravi Shastri – his moustache resembles Anil Kapoor of movie Kishen Kanhaiyya.
2. Sandy Baddy refers to Bandira Badi
3. Appam Chu**ya refers to Shreeshanth
4. Prince Charles of Patiala refers to Yuvi
5. Babli refers to Pretty Zinta
6. Sheikh of Tweak refers to Shane Warne
7. Bevdaa Team refers Bangalore Royal Challengers
8. Big Sister’s Team refers to Rajasthan Royals
9. Bubblie’s Team refers to Punjab Kings XI
10. Mr.Batlivala refers Mr Vijay Mallya
11. Little Monster / Aila refers to Sachin
12. Chatterjee Kaku refers to the old man who appears in Nokia ad contemplating ‘iss baar tum bhi jeetoge’
13. John Wrong refers to John Wright
14. Havaii Chappal refers to Greg Chapel
15. Meera Bhai refers to Harbhajan Singh
16. BubLee refers to Bret Lee
17. Sheeghra-Patan refers to Yousuf Pathan
18. Akram Azam refers to Kamran Khan
19. Big Mac refers to Mathew Hayden
20. Peter Ka Beta refers to Peterson
21. RVR Sing refers to VRV Singh
22. Joker - The Nepali guy(Chang) who was Indian Idol host
23. Big Sister refers to Shilpa Shetty
24. Little Sister refers to Shamita Shetty
25. Lady Jaya refers to Mahila Jayawardene
26. Deeghra Patan refers to Irfan Pathan
27. Arnold Power refers to Ramesh Powar
28. Pedophile Priest refers to Adam Gilchrist
29. VVS Ram refers to VVS Laxman
30. Ghati Baba refers to Rohit Sharma
31. Chinnu Popli refers to Virat Kohli
32. Chirkut Teli refers to Bharat Chipli
33. Durbaan of Patiala refers to Tom Moody
34. Saala Slimeball refers to Lalit Modi
35. Vakil Saab refers to Kumara Sangakkara
36. Cool Dude refers to MS Dhoni
37. Deeawar refers to Rahul Dravid
Headlines (Blog entries) of fakeiplplayer.blogspot.com
Let the game begin – Fake-IPL-KKR’s intro & role in KKR
The first match begins – partying in South Africa
Rumours and all – Lord Almighty out of playing 11 & accolades to Bhooka Naan
In the Stadium for Opening Ceremony – Praising Dil-do’s wife, Bativala & Lord Almighty’s scare of being sacked
We Play Today – Practise session and criticism of inauguration
Long Night…Short Post – Sheikh Warn & 3 angels
Lord Not Opening – Care & Concern about Lord Almighty
Rains & ruins – The weather report
Load Shedding – No electricity
I knew it! – Confused team with absurd strategies
Opium Night – Description about Club ‘Opium’ & Appam Chu**ya
Durban…Raining here as well – Critics of Bhooka Naan
The Wright Way – Fake IPL Player realizes the reality
Match Eve – Praise of Calypso King
We Play Today Again – Fake IPL Player gets noticed
The hunter has become the hunted – KKR in the quest of Fake-IPL-KKR.
Why Kaan Moolo got the Boot – Reason for Kaan Moolo expulsion.
The Lord Returns – Lord Almighty did the talking that day
I love match days – Rest Days & more light on Apaam-Meera Slap incident.
When the going gets tough – Laptops confiscated
Players love it – Everybody loves Fake-IPL-KKR
Morning Training Report – Lordie runs for a chance to snub Dil-do
This team rocks – Lordie boycotted by Phoren Babas & Price-Tag on Fake-IPL-KKR
BubLee aur Babli – guest entry (song) by Bubblies
Experiment flopped – sorry for the guest entry, criticism of Joker
Emosional Atyachaar – Lordie getting emotional, More absurd strategies of KKR & IPL’s fakeness
Big Match – Big Party and how Patiala Price, RVR & Appam tried to impress goris?
Hats Off to Bhookha Naan - Shakespeare and Ganji Hanger sent back while Appam stays back, advice to Batlivala
Battle of the losers – Team Meeting and signals of revolt by Mangal Pandey
Bye Calypso. Thanks for entertaining us! – Abysmal Farewell, Dil-do image degraded & Fake-IPL-KKR promises to reveal his identity.
Port Elizabeth – Here we come again – General Observations
Is this a bad dream? – Calypso leaves with some others to go after the loss
Finally some respite – And here she goes down…again. KKR men just can’t handle her!!
Volcano erupts in the pool – Skipper speaks, Dil-do seeks Sticky’s help & Appam’s name awarded cult status.
Big Game Hunting – Men looking for SA pie
Fights, flights and conspiracies – Lordie to be dropped, phoren coaches suggestions for next year’s IPL
It’s decision time folks – Lordie in & your vote counts here
Analysis
Few questions which are unanswered?
Ques1) Is Fake-IPL-KKR really fake?
Ques2) If No! Who is it?
Ques 3) Who is laughing the most?
And here we go for some answers…
Ans 1) As far as he can write intriguing captivating stuff, it doesn’t care.
Ps: there is a major possibility that some unsatisfied maniac/player/commentator/’over’ actor have asked some XYZ person to author this blog
Ans 2) Now comes the only original part of this post, rest was just compilation. Assuming the fake-IPL-player is not really fake, I have done some analysis and as a result of which, below are some probables for Mr. FIP:-
NOTE: Parameters considered for nomination –
1) Command in English & daring to use obscene words
2) Level of ‘frustu’ness
3) Bitter relationship with SRK (i.e Dil-do)
4) Analytical thinking – useful in connecting different blog entries & keeping reading pace captivating.
5) Amount of self-praising
6) Knowledge about player’s background. FIP uses Vakil Saab for Kumara Sangakkara and the fact Kumara Sangakkara is a trained lawyer, which means he must have good knowledge of players’ background.
7) Hatred against Bhooka Naan (Buchanan) & Shreesanth (i.e. Appam Chu).
1) Bangla Tiger (Mashrafe Mortaza)
For the (nomi)motion – This guy must be having high degree of ‘frustu’ness in him as he is on bench for more than half of the tournament. Also, google says he has good knowledge of Queen’s language.
Against the (nomi)motion – Does he have a good analytical mind?
2) Dada-Sau-ran (Saurav Ganguli)
For the (nomi)motion – Everybody knows his frequency doesn’t matches with SRK and KKR coaches. He must be moderately ‘frustu’. Also when you read the blog, the amount of praising done makes him a easy probable.
Against the (nomi)motion – Does he has so much brains to create this kind of blog?? Does he have so much time??
3) RDB (Randeep Bose)
For the (nomi)motion – A fine talent sitting on bench for a very long time. He must be very ‘frustu’ till date. He plays from Bengal and my research says he doesn’t like Appam too much.
Against the (nomi)motion – His writing skills?
4) Style Bhai (Murli Kartik)
For the (nomi)motion – A fluent English speaking personality who is tech-savy too. Loves Ganguly and hates KKR coaching staff.
Against the (nomi)motion – Level of ‘frustu’ness? Hatred against Appam-Chu?
5) Harsha Bogle
For the (nomi)motion – This IIM passout has a superb brain and great analytical skills. His relations with SRK - May be he didn’t liked SRK publicly disgracing fellow commenter Gavaskar (he wrote a column criticizing multiple captaincy concept). He is one guy who would have good knowledge of player’s background too.
Against the (nomi)motion – Why is he so ‘frustu’? Why would he be so ‘anti-Appam-Chu’?. Will somebody like Harsha Bogle use obscene words like Chu**ya, Dil-do, Pus*y in his writings?
Ans 3: So who is having the last laugh here! SET MAX obviously. They must be laughing everytime STAR PLUS appears at the back of elite KKRs.
My sympathies with STAR PLUS. After tackling Ekta Kapoor for 10 years, they have to handle dil-do’s KKR…dard-e-Dil-DO…poor chaps!!
Still to come on SPEAKing PICtures: Buddy Zoozoos
Don't miss – FIP review(part – II) after IPL-2 gets over.
Am trying to ape the idea of FIP. WIll be starting Fake-IT-Worker. Kindly get in touch if you belong to Software/Silly-con Industry
